Christmas in Review: Finding Baby Jesus

As simple as we try to keep things, I find Christmas in the States quite hard. I am not blaming the U.S. for this. Yes, we are the nation of materialism like no other on the planet. But I will not say it is the fault of this nation that I struggle.

I think, rather, it has to do with the fact that I am away from the familiar paths that focus me on Christ. It’s not that there are no paths to Him here, it’s just that they are not the ones I have been journeying on. Many of the people around me are not the people I have been sharing the journey with. And so, as I approached the celebration of God made incarnate, I found myself adrift and a little bewildered.

I sent my nephew the five-disc set of Christmas music by Sufjan Stevens. He thought I was Super Aunt. I ordered one for us as well but in the week before Christmas I had little time to hear it. It played between stops during my busy week spent mostly in the car running here and there. It was like tiny tastes of goodness dropped in the mouth of a slightly deranged woman.

On Christmas Day I sat in the kitchen with Rachel, my English sister-in-law. We were pathetic, I admit. We sat at the table limp and a bit faded around the edges talking about why moms are so tired at this time of year. (Meanwhile, Super Mom, AKA my mother, was zipping around the kitchen in a jolly fashion!) Rachel and I revived after our kitchen table time and the day really was nice.

Yet that sense of disconnect lingered as I climbed into bed with a list in my head of all the work I have ahead of me in the weeks to come.

Our family pulled out of the drive-way on the 26th at 7:30am to drive to New Mexico. With Trevor driving and Byron up front keeping an eye on that, I pulled out my headphones and my Sufjan Christmas cds. My sister had called on Christmas Eve to say that the five discs had pretty much saved her Christmas. (She loves to say things in a really big way.)

I will not try to explain it. I think Sufjan defies explanation anyway. I love the mix of old hymns, carols and tunes with his original stuff. I love “Oh Holy Night” on a banjo. I love that the collection includes “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing,” one of my very favorite hymns. (It contains the lines, “Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by thy grace I’ve come. And I hope by thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.” I suppose it’s the multiple locations of my life and the knowledge that my sojourning grandparents named every home they lived in “Ebenezer” that makes these lines sparkle to me somehow.)

Simply put, as the eastern edges of California melted into Arizona dessert, I found what I had been needing to connect with Jesus this Christmas. Trevor calls new Alchemy guitar strings “Happiness in a box.” Colin says the same about his new Adidas Sambas. For me, because the little discs seemed to know how to open the places in my heart I was longing to be opened, the places that so wanted to see Jesus anew this Season, I would say the same…

The Sufjan Stevens Songs for Christmas: Happiness in a Box.

13!

We've had a nice Christmas and I'm just about to get into bed. It's almost the 26th now here in California and, since we leave at 7am to drive to New Mexico to visit with Byron's Dad, sisters and niece, I want to take a minute now to post a Happy 13th Birthday Colin note for tomorrow.

We are all so glad Colin was born. We would be sadly deficient in this family without his sense of humor and his consistently fresh take on things. Hurray for Colin!

(It's official: We now have three teenaged boys in the house. That would explain where all the groceries goes! Bless 'em.)

I'm It (or I'm he, as we used to say in England)

Oh! I've been tagged by
Jenelle (aka Nelly). Since I'm now it, I have to tell you five things you may not know about me.

I was going to be quiet over this Christmas weekend but that Scary Santa she threatened me with has me frantically trying to think of five things to commit to blogsphere. Now if I tag you at the end of this it will be your turn to tell us five things we may not know about YOU and to tag four others.

What can I tell you about me?

#1. I have a U.S. passport and a California driver's license, but I also have a Portuguese drivers license and a Kenyan driver's license and I will soon have a Tanzanian driver's license. I think it's really nifty to have all these driver's licenses.

#2. I once had to remove a dead male baboon from the botton of our garden in the East Africa wilderness by attaching a rope to the huge hulk of carcass that was decaying and stinking up the place. It was full of maggots and covered with flies and I tied the rope around the arm and then hiked off into the forest with the baboon in tow, leaving it farther away from the house so that I didn't have to smell it anymore and so that the hyenas would come and eat it. I was proud of myself for doing this job.

#3. I feel that you should never see the film Out of Africa unless you have read the book first because the book is about 250,000 times better than the film, even though the cinematoghraphy is wonderful. The book, by Karen Blixen (aka Isak Dinesen,) will make you feel you a clumsy writer at best and you will be ashamed of how badly you string a line of words together.

#4. I recently bawled my eyes out after finishing Leif Enger's novel, Peace Like a River. It was not the ending that made me cry, nor even the story in its entirety, but the sum total of a great tale told with great skill. The actual story-telling made me worship the Lord for the creativity He has granted and the beauty He releases through it.

#5. I think of myself as a boring person. Yep, pretty much.

Hhhhhhmmmm, I tag Kelly W. in Madrid, Pam in Arusha, Rebecca in UK and Justin in Paris. What can I threaten you with? Maybe that I'll sneak into your house and steal your Death Cab for Cutie or Sufjan CD's?? Not sure I could pull that off really, but it's scary just to think about isn't it?

Memories and Good Gifts

Stepping into the living room this morning I remembered that I had made a bed for Heather by the fire near the tree last night. She wanted to sleep in that cozy place and so I had tucked her in on the floor where she was soon asleep.

But seeing her there this morning (and sneaking this photo of her) reminded me of Christmas eight years ago. Heather was 20 days old on Christmas Eve and she would lie sleeping like a pink gift under the pale lights of our little tree way up in Loita, those distant hills of Kenya.

It had been an unbelievable year in which our team had faced robberies, rape, natural disasters, discouragement and the constant threat of car-jackings and bandits. We were tired beyond belief. All of us.

What I remembered as I watched Heather sleeping by the tree this morning was that our family had been longing for a baby girl. As 1998 had dawned, I had written in my journal in faith, "January 1, 1998, The Year of Our Daughter." On December 4th of that year she was born.

Suzie, our team doctor, finally cleared us to travel the 8-10 hours of indescribable roads home on the 23rd. Dr. Suze was keeping a careful eye on some post-natal high blood pressure I was experiencing and at last it came down. My parents were there in Kenya with us and all we wanted was to get home for Christmas. We had been away for weeks awaiting Heather's birth in Nairobi.

To see that baby sleeping under the tree all those years ago was to realize in tangible form that God gives good gifts. The pain and struggle of the year that was passing faded in the warmth of her small body against my chest.

This morning I looked at Heather Carolyn asleep under the Christmas lights and remembered that our Father is the All-Time Best Giver of Gifts.

My mind took me back through 1998 and then left me in soft, hallowed awe. Funny how much can happen in the early quiet before anyone else is up.

Feeling More Like Christmas Around Here

Funny little things going on around here as Christmas approaches. The work-shop becomes a magical and off-limits place.

I can hear the table-saw and, if I do venture close, smell the sawdust. Yesterday I stepped outside the back door to let the boys know there was a pot of tea on the table and I saw Jesse and Heather standing with their hands over their hearts facing Byron and Colin. I wondered, as well I might, what on earth was up.

Well, Byron had been helping Colin with a project and they all turned and looked at me like I was breaching some international boundary by even looking toward them all. I informed them about the tea and asked, very innocently, what they were doing.

"We're being sworn to secrecy before we enter!" Jesse called back "Now go away!" Apparantly they were not allowed to set foot inside the Hallowed Hall of Creative Efforts in Wood until they had sworn not to tell what they saw there.

They did finally come in for their cup of tea, satisfied with their secret knowledge.

Heather hasn't been working in the wood-shop. She has been knitting with her Grandma and her little scarf is about 10 inches long now. And that's a very sweet sight, I must say, a little girl knitting with her Grandmother. Speaking of Grandma, Heather and I took her to see The Nutcracker the other night. That makes everything feel like Christmas!

But of all the creative efforts going on I think that maybe the one that makes the most interesting impression is catching a glimpse of Jesse. Jesse with his blond dreads and his strong arms and hands. Yes, that Jesse. He's sitting here next to me by the fire ... knitting.

We have eggnog and Christmas lights and a documentary about Africa. And a slightly bohemian uni student who knits.

How great is that?

(PS Beatiful snowman and evergreen in pastels by my 9 year-old niece, Alex.)

Sacred Act of Giving

Here is an amazing little video clip that helps me focus on reality as I face the madness of the commercial nature of Christmas.

Enjoy...

Click here.

Somewhere in the World

Tonight I can tell that my little family is feeling a bit worn out.

We sound a little short with each other, I would say, but not aggressively so. Just tired-of-this so.

For the most part, we are doing well through this transition. But tonight we are a little weary of being displaced.

This is a good home that we feel very safe and secure in, here in Pasadena.

But right now we seem to all be longing for somewhere else.

I don't think it's entirely clear to any of us where that might be.

Overwhelmed by Africa

I am re-publishing this post from last month as some people couldn't find it and I thought it was easy enough to just put it back on top. I wrote it while we were in Tanzania and it talks about a strong reaction I had to the things I was seeing...

This afternoon Tammy and I went to visit a small home here in Arusha for children with AIDS. The children we just waking up from their afternoon naps as we began our visit. I guess the home is not ONLY for kids, though it is primarily for little ones. There are 14 children in residence and three women.

Saida, the first nurse we met, had a smiling, giggling 13 month old in her arms. The baby girl arrived at the home in August, eight months old and already orpahaned by of AIDS. She was a tiny baby without hope when she arrived but now she is grinning and walking.

I felt a little emotional as we walked through the house greeting kids, but I wasn't losing it (yet).

The last room housed the three women. Tammy stood there calm and collected in her gentle, dignity-giving way. I, however, was beginning to cave.

The room had that hospital smell that can sometimes make you feel not so good and it was also fairly warm in there. But that wasn't it. Three factors were working on me hard.

This was my first encounter with AIDS. I've read about AIDS forever. I've been aware of the statistics in Africa and I was in Africa when AIDS was first becoming a word we knew. In 1990 we were caring for a baby whose mother had passed away just after giving birth. I was breast feeding the baby because I was already breastfeeding Trevor. But after a few days it dawned on me that maybe I shouldn't do this because this disease AIDS, which had not been seen yet in our area, was beginning to alarm people in the cities.

But all these years later, after all the early years of trying to teach people what it was, and then being gone when it really began to ravage the Maasai in our area, this today was now my first time to be meeting women I knew for certain were in advanced stages of AIDS.

I have to admit, it brought an unexpected fear up in me.

The second factor playing against me was the strong urine smell coming from Julianna's bed. It was hard to handle in the warm air that already carried that hospital smell.

But it was Julianna's story that was wiping me out. Julianna is epileptic and she is physically limited and cannot speak. For her to have contracted AIDS means that someone violated a handicapped girl who could do nothing about it. Who could do that?

The room was starting to spin.

I haven't fainted about anything in 20 years but I knew what was coming.

"Tammy," I said as she and the nurses were just about to pray with these ladies, "I just need to step outside for a little... I'm feeling a little faint."

Major understatement. The hot blackness was moving over me and I swayed down the hall and out onto the porch. I collapsed onto a bench but the afternoon sun was low and the porch was far too hot to give me relief. I saw a shaded strip of grass across the yard and I asked God to please help me get there. The earth took a hard tilt as I stood up and I bobbed and weaved my way across the gravel to the little lawn then threw myself down onto the cool moist grass.

It took about ten minutes for the earth and my brain to both settle. I got up and we finished the tour of the outside. We saw the chicken coop and the kitchen, the laundry area and the counseling room where people in the community can have their blood tested. We heard about how they try to make fresh juices for the residence to bolster their immunity. Tammy and I ended by circling up with the two lovely African nurses and praying for God's blessings in, through and around them.

Africa is overwhelming. How well I know it.

Creation Joy

Jesse is in a week of exams now before his Christmas break. Got this little note from him today...

"I made the not so wise (since I have a cold) but well worth it decision this morning to go surf at sunrise.

It was so beautiful! The waves were awesome, head high and glassy and the sun was just coming up. On top of all that, there were about 20 dolphins that came past slowly for about 30mins . I got within 15 feet of them! One of them actually jumped so that his whole body was out of the water just as a perfect wave came along. It was a good kick off to finals week!"

Hurray for God's good Creation!

Happy Mood

Oh happiness of having come through a good but very busy weekend. What a lot of lovely people we met and hung out with.

And I am feeling particularly pleased with life because the cup of tea I just had was so very good and what can put you in a happy mood better then that?

Then, looking through the photos of Saturday night when we went out to a Christmas party, I had to crop and display this shot of Byron (even though it's a wee bit blurred) cuz look at him! He's so cute! This is my most favorite face that he makes.

I love this boy. And not just because he's so cute.

Skyler's Photo

Skyler Russell, in Tanzania, is like a cousin to our kids.

He's 16 and he entered BBC's under 18's photo contest.

His photo made it into the final 12 out of 2,000!!

Good job, Skyler!

See 12 final photos here.
See more of Skyler's photos on his blog here.

Tadaaaaaaaaaah!

Introducing: Wild Hope Stories!

Here we will attempt to tell some of the God stories Wild Hope gets to live in.


Click here ... And welcome to East Africa :-)

Happy Birthday Heather!!

Miss Heather is 8 today!

Yesterday she had several little girlfriends over for afternoon tea and some games. I sat at the table with all these 7 and 8 year old girls getting the biggest kick out of their conversations. How wonderful the world of little girls :-)

We're glad you were born, Heather. A little sister is just what this family needed!

Feelin' Groovy

My poor little Mac has been heavily burdened. It was getting so overweight that yesterday I couldn't even open attachments to emails that I really was supposed to read. I would click on my attachments and get a rude note popping up about my disc being full and how I had better get to deleting files or this wee laptop was going to explode.

OK, it didn't really say that thing about exploding.

But honestly, how could I have filled up my whole computer? I couldn't have!!

But MY CHILDREN could have!

It's their music. And their photos. And the videos they are making.

Byron has much more space on his computer. He has a BETTER computer! But no one touches HIS computer. No way! I don't even go near it unless dire circumstances force me to.

We KNOW better than to mess with Byron's computer!

So yesterday I told Trevor he HAD to do something about it. I had TRIED to clear out the music files but I knew I couldn't make those calls. I don't know who those bands are and I dare not delete any of them. I did say, "Do we have to have The Beastie Boys on here?" but my idea to delete them was shot down.

So Trevor took all the music off little Macky and dropped it onto the external hard drive for safe keeping. This freed 11 gigs up for me.

I can breathe again! Little Mac is feeling light on her toes and I'm happy as well.

Now, if I can just find my iPod (though THAT's not very likely since the kids run off with that daily) I'll try to remember to do my assignment. Trevor told me I was to listen to more Death Cab for Cutie and Postal Service. He has taken it upon himself to direct me.

I try to obey :-)