Cold Feet (and other reasons not to write)

My feet are actually, literally very cold today.  I sit at my desk, fully distracted by how uncomfortable the two of them are.  It's not astrophysics, though, is it?  I have these nice Uggs Jesse and Annie brought me for Christmas last year so on they go.

Relief.

I wonder if there is something cozy for my mind.  Is there something I can wrap up in to warm this corner and get me to stretch out into this thing, this season, I've looked forward to for so long?

I have not, most definitely have not, looked forward to the off-spring being gone.  One, two, three, four- they are away.  And this is not about that.  They are well.  And I am well.

Oh, I'm not going to pretend empty nest didn't arrive with a sudden, shocking grief.  Even though I saw it coming.  Even though I welcomed the silence as I wept, embracing them on their way.

There were parties when each baby arrived.  No parties to say, "All gone!"

But even so.

This faffing around, this inability to settle at my desk, is not that.

This is a binding cold.

I am a writer.

And my feet are freezing.

"Courage, Father, Give Us..."

On this journey I am much encouraged by Dustin Kensrue's song, "Weary Saints". Kensrue, the G.K.Chesterton reading front man of Thrice, has released an acoustic album called Please Come Home.

Many great songs but today I hold onto Weary Saints as one who is weary, though not very saint-like.

Favorite lines...

"For years we've fought the night with pale and ghostly flames. Some still dream of light, say the sun will rise again..."

"Let us not be faithless, you will meet our needs."

"Courage, Father, give us to do what must be done..."

And finally--

"For years you've met our thirst, still deserts we have roamed. But we'll be done with dust and dirt when the ocean calls us home. We'll fall into the arms of a cool and sweet embrace and under stars and waving palms we'll shed our sin like snakes..."

Shed our sin like snakes.... I look forward to that day.

Buy the song on iTunes, please. It's a keeper.

On My Mind

Today I'm thinking about my friend Conny who just last week voluntarily responded to a plea from southern Sudan for medical personnel and today is there! Lammert and Conny are our Dutch colleagues, people we love and have loved working with. Conny is a medical doctor in Geneva, now off to administer meningitis vaccines in an emergency situation where there is an outbreak.

Conny is a hero today, walking into a dangerous situation that she is totally un-familiar with because she heard of a need and knew she could help. Lammert is a hero for encouraging her go.

I'm thinking of Trevor in bed looking a little improved as his fever has come down. His cold turned out to be bronchitis and he's on antibiotics now. Yesterday I told him I'd be taking him to the doctor when we got back from our lunch appointment. He opened his bleary, fevery eyes and croaked out "What do I need a doctor for?" Hhhhmmmm. I have to say that of all the kids, Trevor is the one who is always sicker than I realize. By the time he says he feels bad, things are usually serious. It's not that he's trying to be tough; he just kind of doesn't realize he should speak up sooner. I fell asleep last night remembering how he looked as a three year old with a bad case of amebic dysentery. His little round face was so sober.

Today I'm thinking about the humbling feeling of people's love and support. Being up here in the NW reminds us again of what an incredible thing it is to share what God is doing and how he's leading, and to feel the care and interest and rallying around of friends.

I'm getting a Ben Harper song in my head.... "I am blessed! I am blessed! I am blessed to be a witness!"

Wild Prayer

Just in from staff conference in Holland where we had our minds blown by the lovely Al and Deb Hirsch. Their message was simple: the centrality of Christ above all else, the call to never slow down or settle as we follow his wild lead and radical freedom in Him.

They blew us all away. In the days ahead, I will post some of my notes from our times together but tonight I will just post this prayer by Sir Francis Drake. I found it just now as I was sitting here on my porch in the last light of this summer day. Drake was an English naval hero and he lived 1540-1596. His prayer captures the spirit of our week together. Funny that... his capturing our week 500 years ago :-)

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.