To Hold Two Worlds

I remember saying goodbye to my parents in an airport for the first time. It was 1984 and Byron and I were leaving for our first 2 years in Africa. I was excited. But as I stood there in that airport, all I felt was pain. I lost my ability to speak and could only cry silently for the last few minutes.

Last Tuesday night saw me saying goodbye to my parents in an airport once again. I had already cried silently in the car on the way there. It was easier not to cry at the actual separation since I was being assisted to the gate. Recent surgery mandated a little help on the way and the presence of a stranger kept further tears at bay.

Goodbye tears notwithstanding, I was longing to be home. When I spotted Byron through the open doors of the arrivals area 38 hours later, I was immediately covered in smiles. It had been a long journey and he looked nothing less than beautiful to me.

We awoke next morning in Nairobi to the jarring news that my Dad was in hospital back in Pasadena after what might have been a very small mini stroke. (For those of you who know him, he's home and seems fine. He was in for about 24 hours and had about a hundred tests, but he's back at 725 with no indication of ill effect.)

Boy, did I feel far away.

Today is Father's Day and I wish teletransportation was a reality. In all these years, I've not found any way to ease the ache in either direction. Sometimes it just plain hurts to hold to worlds.

Of Home and How We Find It

When Tiny Tim (as played by Kermit the Frog) begins to sing at the end of the Muppets' version of A Christmas Carol, I have to be honest and just admit that I cry.

"God bless us all," he sings, "... who gather here, the loving family we hold dear. No place on earth compares with home and every path will lead us back from where we roam."

That Kermit. He wrecks me!

Having moved multiple times in and between six countries and three continents, I am an accidental expert in the emotional travails of separation and loss, boxes and crates, dismantling home and recreating it once again. The drama of moving has it's own set of pains and joys, my considerable experience of which are a byproduct of the adventures I've found.

Now, there is a certain range of hills that run along the southern border of Kenya named, quite simply, Loita. (That's "loi" as in loiter, not lo-ee-tah.) Byron and I lived there for 10 years and, given that I've never remained in any other spot for that long, I often wonder if anywhere will ever feel like home the way Loita did... and does.

When our first home in Loita burned down, we carved a new home out of the hills. One by one, the soil blocks were formed from the rich earth of the range that rose around us. The sand, carried downstream seasonally to pile up on river bends along the way, was hauled up to our clearing and sifted and mixed to become the strong cement of our foundations and the bed to hold the wide, flat stones of our verandah. We walked the hills and chose those stones. We puzzled them together to make a simple and lovely floor.

When Byron realized there was a slight surplus of ceiling joists to hold the upstairs in place, he set to work drawing a dining room table. Thus, our table, made from the strength at the center of the home, was, quite wonderfully, made from the heart of that house.

We shipped that table to Europe when we left Loita. That table, where our babies had sat in their little seats that hung from the chunky edge. That table, made from a house that we designed together to shelter our lives within.

Eventually, we shipped that table back to Africa. Scarred and plain, yet still glowing in warm wood colors, our table stands in all her unpretentious loveliness here in this home in Arusha.

And it's the table that's got me thinking.

Closing my eyes, I see the faces of friends who have gathered round her. Pausing as I write to let their faces come into focus, my throat immediately tightens in that warm way that it does before I cry. My goodness! In these last 17 years since she was made, there have been some pretty precious times centered round that piece of furniture. Precious times because the people who sat with us there were precious.

The table is just a device that draws us close. And yet it's this coming together that makes home. And in this communion, this connection that Sue Monk Kidds calls "a merciful coming together of human hearts", I find that I have home.

Sometimes, when Byron and I are tired, one of us will say that we want to go home. Then we shrug and say, "Of course, we would kind of need to know where home is to do that."

Today, I am reminded that we have home every time we make the choice to open our hearts.

(PS For more thoughts on home by fellow bloggers, click HERE )

House-Proud

I know that "house-proud" is not actually meant as a flattering term, but I'm very pleased with myself about this cozy (cosy) little grouping in our living room.

We've been in this house for over a year and during that whole time I've never really been happy with the living room arrangement. It took spending an evening at home with me sitting and pondering on the sofa. I re-arranged things in my head until I found a plan that I liked. Then I enlisted the family to help me shove a few things around.

Now we sit in our sitting room instead of just walking through it. Heather and I read her history and science lessons together on the sofa.

Little changes make a big difference,

And morning sunlight is such a nice thing.

"There's No Place Like Home... There's No Place Like Home..."

Returning from productive and inspiring meetings in Scotland, my third and final flight of the homeward journey brought me into Kilimanjaro this morning. The mountain was draped in rainy season clouds, but as we pulled away from the airport, the snow-bright summit became visible and I grinned up at Africa's highest point.

I live here. Hallelujah!

The photo below was taken this evening as Byron sat outside with Endetu. One shoe off, he waited as Endetu adjusted the leather straps of Byron's tire sandals. They are simple shoes but difficult to adjust properly. It took Endetu's expert hand :-)