Wednesday, March 21, 2007

No More Thinking Please

I'm so tired I'm numb all over. I want to get into bed. I don't want to have to THINK about anything... at least for a while.

I can't work out how to book six tickets to Kilimanjaro Airport. Several of us are traveling on different dates. Some return. Some return only as far as London and then need another ticket back to Tanzania. Should we go through Nairobi or Dar? Is the customs in Kenya worth the hassle in order to land there and shuttle down on the bus? Would be more efficient though longer to go through Dar?

Where is Trevor going for college? That depends on what is best for who he is. What IS best for who he is?

Can he get to Tanzania early, like he would like to? It would be so cool. But what about Colin back here? Colin kind of needs Trevor around. Brothers are important and he'll be gone soon enough without leaving any earlier than he has to. On the other hand, Colin will live if Trevor does travel early.

Is this container thing really going to work out? Is it better to air freight the motorcycles?

How many motorcycles have we shipped to Africa in the past, anyway? Why do the shipping companies sound like they know less than we do?

What can I expect? Am I behaving in an "entitled" way when I think it would be nice to be able to afford to bring my college-aged kids back to Africa a couple of times?

How do we get everything done we need to before flying?

Does the dog need more shots? I know WE need more shots. Where are our immunization records?

What else will Colin and Heather need for home school next year?

Do I have to do what people expect of me?

What if I start yelling?

Can I go to bed now?


JB said...

sometimes i cannot forgive
and these days, mercy cuts so deep
if the world was how it should be, maybe i could get some sleep
while i lay, i dream we're better,
scales were gone and faces light
when we wake, we hate our brother
we still move to hurt each other
sometimes i can close my eyes,
and all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
what makes me so badly bent?
we all have a chance to murder
we all feel the need for wonder
we still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

sometimes when i lose my grip, i wonder what to make of heaven
all the times i thought to reach up
all the times i had to give
babies underneath their beds
hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
all the comforts of cathedrals
all the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
all the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
-jars of clay

JB said...

thats what your post makes me think

Rachel said...

Remembering matrix singing the psalms, and praying for you...

Jesus is the one who guides and protects, provides for and shelters me.
He encourages me to pause and rest in the most beautiful places.
His way takes me along peaceful routes
And deep inside I feel life bubbling up again.
He shows me the good ways that are best for me
And this is a testimony to the truth of his name, "Good Father."
Even though I sometimes have to go through the most amazing crap
Or places of extreme danger,
I don't have to be filled with fear or be terrified by the depth of evil
Because you, Jesus of Nazareth, walk this path with me.
The fact that you use your weapons to defend me is a huge comfort to me.
We're going to party! We're going to celebrate into the night
And our joy and satisfaction with your abundant provision will be seen by all,
Even those who are against me.
You bless me, fill me, set me apart
By covering me with fragrant, healing oils
And you give way more than I can receive.
Your pure goodness and gigantic love toward me
Go with me everywhere.
I can't escape them!
And I will always find my home in you.

lisa said...

Rachel, the warm memory of our Matrix times (especially that night that we all re-wrote Ps 23) feels good to me. Thank you!

lisa said...

and i love that song, jesse.