Monday, May 28, 2012
Ready. Set. Engaged!
But, ready... What would that look like?
Is the question prodding at if I was emotionally prepared to see Jesse take this step? If so, I think I was.
Here's the thing with these major life phases: they don't usually come sneaking up to shock the living daylights out of you. I mean, they might. But that's not the norm.
Was I ready to be Jesse's mom on the day I discovered I was expecting him? Well, probably not. But I wanted him and I was ready to get ready, and I had about 9 months to actually become ready. And was I completely ready to be his mom on the day he arrived? Well, I think I was ready to be his mom THAT day. And that day prepared me for the next one. I wasn't ready for him to walk that dear March morning, but I was given about a year to psych up for the eventuality.
And when he walked, was I ready for him to jump off cliffs into the clear Atlantic below? No, I certainly was not. Not any more than I was ready for him to scale the sides of mountains or bomb hills or head into the night to play a gig in the underground music scene of a European city, or leave home for college.
But those things came in time. Good time. I watched him take increasingly steady steps and my confidence in his way-making grew with him, slowly enough, but continuously. Jesse showed me that he knew how to walk, and how to choose a path. He walked well. When we were very young, we'd hike out and Byron would tell me to trust my feet. In the same way, I've trusted Jesse's feet. I guess I've trusted his feet because I've trusted his heart.
So, Jesse takes this next step. He starts down this new path. Am I ready? With every ounce of me, yes. Yes, because he walks well, and because he's gained the most wonderful person to journey with from here on out.