The Roses Preach

I wake up to stress on my chest, an unwanted blanket
It's the calendar, the way it's all jammed up
The weariness ahead and the funds
that grumble loudly about needing to be raised

But then
It's cold dew on my feet
The pale pink of fragrant roses
Leaning toward me
As I lift laundry to warm lines
In the early sun

And do they really matter?
These things I deem to weigh so much?

I turn my face
With the roses
Up

Monday

The morning breaks like a storm over us.
We clasp the rails and look wildly into
Each other's plainly panicked eyes.

Far too much going on for one day;
For one week.

I find myself worried that our bodies
Will be hurt by the pressure.

Teach us again to breathe.
You who designed these lungs,
Show us how to fill them softly.

What is the opposite of "Amp it up"?
Do that inside our hearts.

Departure Day in Review (or I Love Byron)

The final week in the States will probably always remain a blur to me. Looking back on it, I am most thankful for the sweet times shared with friends and family in the midst of the last minute stress and details of leaving.

Every time we do this, every time we leave one continent and head for another, I am thankful all over again for Byron. We have totally different styles of prep. I get nostalgic and weepy and generally un-useful. Byron gets practical and efficient and generally unfriendly. Dang, I love him. He's the reason we arrive with all we need. Whether that be school books for the next year of home school, a chainsaw for some project's needs, an electric piano for a daughter who is head over heels in love with playing, or a fruit dryer for an income generating endeavor for women at risk, we'll have what we need because Byron will have packed it... and packed it well. We would be a mess if the packing were left to me.

Of course, we would go nowhere if the booking of flights and arranging of schedules were left to him so maybe I am a little useful after all.

I don't know how many bazillion hours Byron worked during our final week in California but I do know that he worked from 5am to 5pm on our day of departure. We then left for the airport at 5:05pm.

After getting all 12 large bags checked (and winning points from check-in guy for good organization, leading to an upgrade to nicer seats) Byron collapsed at the gate and slept for about an hour on the floor.

Heather put these Starbursts on his tummy cuz he loves them and she loves him and because we were spending all our leftover US change at the little shop there.

Byron... I don't know anyone else like him :-)

Lest you think I've vanished...

... It's just that we're in the countdown mayhem of the final 4 days in the U.S.

I will not bore you with everything we're juggling.

I hope to have a chance to catch my breath and reflect a little on this process.

But for now, one more doctor's visit this morning to show my healing nose to the surgeon, one more chance for a little team meeting with Russells as they're here now and we're on our way out, and one more chance for a little date this afternoon with my parents...

Between all these good things today, PACKING (with some panic thrown in.)

We fly on Friday night.

Talk again soon :-)

xx

Post #419 (in which Lisa has a curious meltdown)

So today started out smoothly, above average, lovely. It was a spectacular morning in the NW and the green trees and blue skies of the greater Seattle area were very pleasant to wake up to. It was a holiday morning and we rolled out of bed closer to 8am, made our tea and resisted the urge to do the work waiting on our computers.

Going to thrift stores (aka charity shops) is one of our favorite pastimes anywhere but especially in this town. We've made some famously great clothing purchases in this place in the last 20 years of visits.

Pulling into the parking lot, we didn't notice any clear indication of which way traffic would flow and we very innocently pulled into a spot. And that's when the yelling began. A driver in another aisle of traffic was apparently intending to take that spot from another direction and she yelled at Byron that it was her spot. And that's when the security guard came over with his very serious "YOU ARE IN TROUBLE" face and waved his big arms and told Byron in the sternest tones, "BACK OUT!"

So we did.

Honestly, we were not trying to snake a spot. We were just unaware of how the system worked.

And that's when I started to cry.

May I preface this by saying I'm very tired and there's quite a lot going on in my heart these days?

Still, it sounds very silly but I just cried and cried. In fact, I needed to stay in the car while Byron and Heather perused the shop so that I could let my tears out and get a grip.

Here's the thing: being yelled at by a perfect stranger triggered all these feelings in me of so often being foreign to a place. It triggered in me the layers and layers of memories (going back to 4 yrs of age) of times that I have been confused in a new country, language, city, school, or social setting. As I've mentioned before, I've lived in 6 different countries and I've moved many times within cultures and communities in those countries.

I guess I was just too tired today to be reminded that I don't even know how to follow the normal traffic clues in a parking lot at a thrift store in Seattle. The funny thing is that I wasn't even driving. But it still smacked me upside the head in the most surprising way.

Later, home at my sister Tanya's house, I told her all about it and cried again. She hugged me and sent me for a nap with her favorite blanket.

I think that was a very nice sisterly thing to do.

How the Music (and the exercise) Saved My Day (once again)

OK, this photo is not really from today. It's from a couple of weeks ago when our friend, Lisa P, celebrated her 50th. I include it here because I've decided that dancing with my kids should be a daily activity.

Too bad you can't see Heather, who was dancing beside me. Note the lovely dance moves of each boy and no, I was not doing a worship move. There was a part in the song when we would all raise our hands, though you won't believe me on that since not many others seem to be doing so. Whatever.

On to today, then.

We got to bed too late last night and the day broke grey, cold and dreary. Hhhmmm. Kinda matched the mood I soon settled into. I was just feeling so much stress about a long list of things to accomplish or write or sort out or plan or organize. I won't bore you with details.

I finally decided to take drastic measures and get into exercise clothes, don the headphones and climb onto the Nordic Track.
Eight minutes into the 35minute playlist and suddenly life, the day, my outlook and my muscles had all made a dramatic turn around. Oh I DO love those happy little endorphins.

So, just to let you in on the playlist that carried me through, this is an odd assortment of groovy songs on Jesse's iPod that never cease to cheer me up.

Here we go:

That Thing You Do (from the film with the same title)
Save Tonight (Eagle Eyed Cherry)
Send Me on My Way (Rusted Root)
I'm Gonna Be (The Proclaimers)
Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison)
I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Whitney Houston) (It's kind of an inside joke)
I'd Go the Whole Wide World (Wreckless Erik)
Day-O and Jamaica Farewell (Harry Belafonte*)
Kiss the Girl (from The LIttle Mermaid)

I often like to top it off with Trevor and Heather doing their cover of It Ain't Me.

As I said--kinda odd and groovy.

'Twas a miracle of transformation that happened to me with these songs and our trusty old Nordic Track.

Good thing, too.

*Belafonte's 1962 album, Midnight Special, featured the first recorded appearance of a certain young harmonica player named Bob Dylan. Wild!

We do Jigs and I Grow Up

As I said, little jigs all over the globe these days as our family moves toward Arusha.

The adventures of getting us home have been great. Nearly missed flights, fully missed flights, lost bags, telephones left on planes (and miraculously retrieved), mistakes in itineraries, low luggage allotments, charges for extra bags, hazardous roads with crazy drivers, forgotten health cards with the needed immunization records... All quite alarming for a family of well-seasoned travelers!

At one point, I was in Africa on Skype to my parents in LA who had Byron in DC on their speaker phone and the 4 of us were connected as we waited to see how things would resolve after the missed flight of one of our offspring.

Each little and big incident has caused some level of anxiety in me. And yet, I am thankful.

I am thankful to learn a little more about the kindness of strangers, the generosity of customer service reps, the merciful intervention of a caring God. I am thankful to learn how to look the issues dead on, do what we can, pray for help and then let them go.

I think I have grown.

"Mama, I love you!" I hear Trevor's morning greeting as I make breakfast and I think to myself that I would live it again in a minute to hear that.

There is one nomad still on walkabout: Jesse Boy. He arrives on 21st (and can I say that I'm looking for no more dramas other than the highly dramatic happiness we will feel when we see him.)

And the very next day will bring Darrelle. Darrelle is the college friend who has captured Trevor's attention. How fun for us that we get to have her in Africa with us for 3 weeks!

Blessed and blessed... That's what we are!

Africa is Good for Me

I'm back home after my medical-run to the big, bad city of Nairobi.

As the shuttle chugged through the traffic-choked streets, I found myself thinking about how much I don't like that town. But I had a little change of heart once I was on foot. Walking along the busy streets, I greeted street vendors and chatted with ladies running fruit stands. I noticed how pretty the trees looked in their blossomy veils, and how white the clouds were against the bright blue sky.

Yea, I think Africa is better when you're out of the car.

The lady at Nairobi Hospital (where both Trevor and Heather were born) who did the mammogram said something very interesting during our time together. The fibroid and cyst concerns that I have experienced in the past were not present.

"Those issues will have cleared up because you've moved back to Africa," she said.

I must have looked at her a little quizzically because she elaborated.

"You'll have left a lot of stress behind in the West. The stress and pace there make people eat chocolate and drink coffee to cope. Here, the stress and chocolates are less and so you've cleared up."

She's right, you know. It's not that life is easy in Africa. It is challenging in many ways on many levels and the issues that weigh upon this continent are huge, gnarly and complicated. But we don't keep a manic schedule and we eat simpler, cleaner, fresher foods.

I'm happy about that.

Photo by Jesse Borden

And Now for Something Completely Different...

Everyone deals with stress in their own peculiar way. I clench my teeth in the night and get knots in my shoulders.

I wish I didn't.

Byron sighs heavy sighs and carries a panicky look about him. (He can also get kind of grumpy.)

I wish he didn't.

But lately we're turning over a new leaf in stress management.

The closer we get to departure, the more the crunch comes down on us, the more frequently we watch Nacho Libre.

Yep, it's Jack Black to the rescue. (Three times in the last five evenings!)

I think it's the missionary theme and the work with orphans that must be drawing us in.

Ha!

"It sucks to be me right now!"

No Getting Up!

I really didn't want to get up today. OK, yea, we were awakened several times in the night messaging back and forth with Trevor to find out when to pick him up where after his adventures at the prom. (Yes, he looked very cute all spiffed up!) But that wasn't it.

With three weeks till fly time I am fighting the feeling of checking out when I really cannot afford to check out. I need to stay engaged because there are details that I need to tend to.

But I told Byron I couldn't get out of bed because I was nauseated. He looked alarmed, or course, but I said:

"Not REALLY! Just figuratively. I can't get out of bed because I will continue to feel like throwing up until I know that the dog's travel arrangements are in place, that the check we posted by secure post to our bank (for $13,000!) is not lost after all, and that the shipper has finalized details and is coming for our little crate."

Byron laughed. He laughed at me!

"Don't laugh at me! I need you!" I responded.

"What do you need?" he said with his cute face on.

"I need some of your fried eggs," I answered, pulling the duvet up over my nose.

It's later now. I'm out of bed. I'm showered and dressed and ready to face the do list once again.

Beautiful isn't it how fried eggs with toast and a cup of tea give me courage for the tasks ahead :-)

(I do wonder how I would manage without the Egg Man.)

"I'm feelin' betta..."

Here's my update on how I'm doing avoiding meltdown.

We are maneuvering our way toward yet another family move across the globe (See my 3 recent posts before Jesse's birthday) so I'm trying to hold onto some scraps of sanity.

On my list of things to do to help in this process, I have

1. Not been much better about going walking

2. Nor have I eaten any fair trade chocolate

3. I have had tea in the morning sun with Byron

4. And we have spoken with God about the things we are stressed about

5. I've had lunch with Lori (and Jenelle!)

6. And napped to Brian Houston's 35 Summers

7. I've prepared gifts for people I love

8. And called Tanya

9. I have not danced with Heather (who is white and weak with stomach flu today)

10. But I have asked Jesus to hold my hand and help me through this move to Africa

Bonus item: I've also made some major headway on booking our complicated tickets so there does seem to be light somewhere ahead :-)

One of these days we will land in Tanzania, a family with bewildered expression and the bedraggled look of those who have been in transition for long and anticipate it going on for longer still. We will not really know how we got there but we will realize that God and some very big-hearted friends helped us a great deal along the way.

We are getting there "slowly by slowly" as my Kenyan friends used to say.

I need to stop by for some of that fair trade chocolate and celebrate a little.

How to Avoid Meltdown

Ok, so here's my list of things to do to avert future meltdowns:

1. Go walking even when I don't think I have time

2. Eat some fair trade chocolate

3. Take a tray of tea out into the morning sun with Byron

4. While enjoying the morning sun, speak to God about the things we're stressed about

5. Have lunch with Lori (someone who knows about every boy I've ever kissed and every other secret from age 11-21)

6. Put on Brian Houton's 35 Summers album and take a nap to it

7. Prepare a gift for someone I love

8. Call Tanya

9. Dance with Heather

10. Ask Jesus to hold my hand and walk me through this move to Africa