Showing posts with label finding joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finding joy. Show all posts

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Almost Ordinary



I flew out of Tanzania on a warm March night.  Clearing immigration 26 hours later at LAX, my parents whisked me home for a cup of tea and the world's fastest shower before I went directly to my friend's salon for a much needed hair cut.  (Thanks, Laura!)

Next morning, we were on our way to Seattle where I had the great pleasure of helping with the wedding of My Niece Elise and her Good Man Drew.

As I enjoyed extended family, smooth roads, sweater weather, the Seattle vibe and umbrellas, Byron carried on as per the usual in Tanzania.

And it's the usual that has given me pause this morning.

The usual.

In the first 48 hours, Byron reported the following...

*He came upon a car that had skidded on loose gravel and rolled off our road.  He attached a tow strap and pulled it back up onto its wheels.  The people were shaken but not badly hurt.  They were, of course, incredibly thankful for the uprighting.  I'm not sure how long they would have been there if someone hadn't come along with a little gear and know-how.

*The dogs got into a ferocious barking fit and, upon investigation, Byron realized there was a rabid dog provoking them through the fence.  They were all greatly intent on killing each other through the chainlink, and one of the most determined Jack Russells was just about to make it under.  There is, of course, no one to call in a situation like this, so Byron went out and dispatched the poor rabid creature.  He used what he had on hand, which was a fine old Maasai spear.

*Driving to work the next day, he passed a terrible bus accident on the road into town.  The killer buses careen at high speeds and we can only shake our heads.  This one did not manage to deliver its passengers safely to their destination.  Very sad :(

What struck me was not the individual pieces of news, none of which are things we haven't seen before.  Instead, it was the almost ordinariness of their occurrences.  It wasn't that Byron was blasé about them, because he sincerely was not.  It was more that they were part and parcel; par for the course.  They fall into the category of unavoidable realities that you can't be shocked and stopped by or you'd be perpetually shocked and stopped.

But from this vantage point of comfort, this place where the bar for normal is set so very much higher, I read his texts and do wonder at the difference location makes in the "normals" of life.  It's flabbergasting, really.

There is a calming kind of normal here that I confess I can't help but enjoy.  Yet much as I appreciate the absence of rabid dogs trying to get through the fence, there are some simple, rich realities I'm pressed to find in this developed world.

Food, for instance... Is it real?

Don't get me wrong-- I love the ease of tearing open packages of frozen berries, cut mango and other smoothie joys, but there's something viscerally assuring about the messiness of food that is closer to its original state.  In Africa, I cut into ripe mangos, slicing the meaty flesh and dropping pieces into the blender as the sweet sticky juice runs to my elbows.  Each chunk is slippery slick, and tastes sublime.

Unless, of course, I happen to get a bad one.  Yes, there are times I find the wiggling presence of tiny worms and have to discard parts of the beautiful fruit, but local produce is warm and vital in my hands.  Nothing looks perfect, but the blemishes remind me that life is bruising and rich, tasty and tarnished all at once.  I can taste its fullness.  The ripened and over ripened fruit, the freshly butchered meat (blood, sinew, feathers and all) is anything but pale and packaged.

The juicy, messy, richness of real (wherever we are) is sweet and savory, wormy and wonderful.

I could call it almost ordinary, but there doesn't seem to be anything ordinary about it.


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

προάγουσιν



I like that Jesus told stories.  It's comforting to me that he chose to bring Truth and Beauty in simple language--plain but hidden, accessible but in need of some mulling over.  While the religious leaders adhered to tightly defined rules that governed behavior, Jesus storyed (apparently not a word my spell check likes) generous grace, new life, and harsh judgement, leaving his listeners to puzzle it out.  

There is something remarkably inviting about this approach.  We are welcomed into the story circle where we get to talk it through together.  We don't have access to the Spark Notes, and the teller very rarely explains his tale.

But rather than mull and talk it through together, we tend to want to explain, define and codify things.

(I wonder if that is really our role.)

Today I read three stories in the twenty-first chapter of Matthew and I'm puzzling around with a comment Jesus made.

In his response to the religious leaders Jesus said, quite starkly, "...The tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom of God ahead of you."

Are entering...  As far as I can tell, the Greek phrase is present tense.  These "unsavory" folks are entering the Kingdom ahead of the seemingly savory ones.

"How are they doing it?" I wondered to myself. 

Is it that they see and grasp the grace?  Do they grasp (understand) it and grasp (take hold of) it?  Without any sense of their own righteousness, do they simply get grace more quickly than the others?  Unfettered by a sense of entitlement, are they faster to comprehend how it works?

I don't know the answer, but I'm inspired.

I'm inspired by a picture of people who understand grace as a gift they choose to receive.

I want that for my days.

Yes, I receive the gift of grace today.



Tuesday, February 03, 2015

To lift my eyes...



I'm not gonna lie, Africa can wear me right out.  See Exhibit A above, "The Road to Our House."

I'm not very good at remembering this, but it does dawn on me occasionally that I do actually get to choose where my eyes focus.

Here are five good things from the last few days...

1.  I watched two Muslim women share their sandwiches with a Catholic Sister on the 6 hour bus trip to Nairobi.

2.  I saw the setting moon hanging heavily over hills that would soon be lit by morning.  The moonlight cast shadows on my 5am bedroom floor.

3.  The crazy washed out bridge at the bottom of the long hill that connects us to the road to town HAS BEEN REPAIRED, AND a grader has been dealing with the other horrible bits on our way home.

4.  I bought a great big box of fresh produce, (bright, juicy mangos, tangy passion fruit and much more,) for a very reasonable price, and shared motherhood tales with the slender young mama whose veggie stand I frequent.

5.  Yesterday I enjoyed a long and pleasant lunch with someone who has prayed for us for going on thirty years.  We had never, ever met before.  Imagine!

Monday, February 03, 2014

Coming Home to the Farm



We were away from Africa for two months.  It was enough time to do all we did.  Enough time to celebrate Thanksgiving, multiple family milestone's including my mom's 80th birthday, attend fundraisers, speak here and there, connect with donors, revel in family and marvelous friends, work toward a second son's wedding, engage in Advent, give poetry readings, meet with our Board of Directors, enjoy (and also struggle with) Christmas in America, and finally, wonderfully, to help throw an outstanding wedding celebration.

Careening out of those packed weeks...

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Unexpected Gifts


Looking across the farm to the National Forest.
Some gifts come as a complete surprise... Being asked if we'd like to rent a house on a farm, for instance.  "Yes. Yes, please."  So we've moved about 30 minutes out of town.  We wake up every morning and can't believe we're still here :)  "Oh!  It wasn't a dream!"

This is a gift we'll embrace for as long as we have the opportunity allows.  Our work carries on.  Byron is busier than ever.  But we begin and close each day with a sense of awe.  There's refreshment every  morning and gratefulness every night.

This view greets us daily.  Totally nuts, I know.

My walks include lots of pausing to notice :)

These are scattered around instead of urban rubbish.

"Thankful" doesn't even begin to describe it.

Coffee and Jacarandas :)

I'm still a little too stunned to find good words.  Sometimes gratitude quiets us.  But words will come.  (I'm sure of it.)  For now, know we are smiling.


Friday, June 07, 2013

Life Breath

I thought the years had stripped too much away
that i would never gather that which had been
so casually scattered

It was my fault, I know
packing as if we could take what mattered
along with us

As if...

It was so long ago, that initial parting
and the flood of time
washed so much away

I missed the marker days
the seemingly small but, in actuality,
momentous occasions

You don't get those back, you know
they don't return to you
ever

But then, in just these last weeks
these un-trumpeted
unassuming days

There has been a feasting
every dear face before me
shining

Inhaling slowly
pulling each fragrance
as close to my heart as possible

I breathed your company
all of you, the greatest of
my loves

And now
from across so many miles
these memories enrich my blood

-lisa, 7 June 2013



Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Taste and See

It's just that my heart can be so small
pieced together with scraps
pinched, tired and tragic

I feel a stone there beneath my breast
weighted with distractions
wary, watchful, worn

But you,
You say "Taste this!"
Triumphant grin, open palm

I take it in hand
set it softly on my tongue,
let the moment slow right down

And it truly is marvelous
unbelievable, really
a wonder, if I may hyperbolize

Scrappy little heart softens,
plumps up

Not because the gift is so reviving, no
It's something altogether bigger
than taste on tongue

It's you, smiling there
inviting me to pause, consider
that what's ahead is sweet and good

And you are in it
with endless choice samples
of a savory, satisfying life

-lisa, 30 April, 2013

Monday, February 04, 2013

Berry and Oliver

Well, I suppose we have to eat
which means, of course,
that I must shop

I'll pull myself from
sapid words, plump, darling
and delicious

Leave these thoughts
that spark and blaze
and linger

To speak it plainly
I'd rather forgo the meal
or nibble toast with quiet tea

These words
they feast my heart
and give abundance

Rich and satisfying
more than enough


-lisa, 4 February 2013

Monday, January 21, 2013

December 9th

And I would like to think that I can capture that day
the cold bright air
steeped in light
sparkling

We had worked hard, and played some
grilled, feasted
thrown our weight into it
and laughed

(How we laughed)

The empty meadow under heavy oak
spread her lacy welcome
freshly green and
magnificently tender

And while we could not add to her beauty
we brought small gifts
fresh flowers and our own
bonny faces

But more than that
we brought our love
to surround, yes, embrace
to stand with you

The meadow said--
"This is the place!"

You declared--
"She is my love!"

Radiant, she confessed--
"As he is mine."

And then, most truly
it was time
to dance

Love is better
than all else
and yours is deep and fine
and true

And I was unspeakably proud
of all that was there
the simple and most perfect beauty
the host of most remarkable friends

We danced our joy
Danced our blessing
Danced our wordless, whirling
Wonder

Your lives together from now on--
This, O this,
yes this, is simply
Hallelujah


-lisa, 21 January 2013

Monday, December 24, 2012

December 24th, Well Before Dawn

On this cold morning
The list of that which is yet to be accomplished
Wakes and scolds and blames me

It's Christmas Eve
And there are better ways to rise
(In some other, more perfect world)

O my word
Did I remember curry powder?  I need an eggplant!
And when ever will we pack?

There is a departure on Friday
Nine thousand seven hundred forty five miles
Or the better part of two days

This time, I think
This time, we may actually not
Be ready

We may depart in disarray
Bags open or simply
left behind

The tightness increases
I obsess the details
Fawning over worries

Breathe
Breathe

I don't know how the meals will turn out
Or if the cinnamon rolls will get done
I don't know if we'll be ready, come Friday

But, do you know?
Accomplishing the list
Is a poor way to celebrate

On this cold morning
I know there is work to be done
(And that's just fine)

But I disarm the panic

Perfect meals and nicely organized transatlantic moves
Are lovely, I'm sure
But there is a far better reason to rejoice

-lisa, 24 December, 2012

Thursday, November 29, 2012

First Photo


This is my first photo with my new camera.  It was just a quick, "Hey, line up!" point and shoot on the automatic setting, but I like it :)

Some of you will know we were ambushed and robbed in June.  The one thing I've missed (just about daily) has been my Nikon D80.  Well, I am the delighted and deeply thankful owner of a new Nikon 3200.

Some people get their knickers in a twist regarding what make camera is best.  They get weird about it all, as if everyone has to agree.  There are a lot, A LOT, of fantastic cameras out there.  Personally, I've had a Nikon for the last 30 years and it's what I'm used to.  I am happy.

Happy.  Happy.  Happy.

P.S. Many thanks to long-time friends, Ron Luxemburg and Rogier Bos, for their excellent professional advice.

P.P.S. You might be able to guess that I'm not just happy about the new camera.  I'm also a little over the moon about being with Karly, Heather, Trevor, Colin, Annie and Jesse :)

Thursday, November 15, 2012

A Beautiful Blur

I was looking at my calendar a few short weeks ago and the weekends before me lined up like this:

Oct 19-21 With 24-7Prayer family in Germany, speaking, teaching, enjoying
Oct 27-28 Visit Heather at boarding school in Kenya
Nov 3 Belated 50th Birthday Party with 30 friends at our house (in Tanzania) for me (with departure for US on 5th)
Nov 9-10 Parents Weekend at Westmont (in California) with Colin, not to mention Jesse, Annie, Trevor and Karly  (Then squeeze in a couple days in Seattle with my sister and a dinner with missions folks at CCF over 12-14th)
Nov 16 Speak at Santa Barbara Community Church's Story Night, then travel to Bay Area on 17th to meet Annie's parents for the first time :)
Nov 23 (still feeling fat and happy from first Thanksgiving in US in 7 years) Byron and Heather arrive in California the day after his birthday and five days before Trevor's bday
Dec 1 Amid much final prep work toward the 9th, Trevor has a gig in SB. Hurray! AND Heather will be 14 on the 4th :)
Dec 9 JESSE AND ANNIE GET MARRIED!

Like I said, it's a beautiful blur.

I am blessed.  Yes, blessed.  So blessed.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Fifty Reasons to Celebrate


I'm 50 today and, I have to admit, it feels very grand.

By way of celebration, allow me to present 50 things (in no particular order) that fill me with gratitude, or, perhaps, just make me happy.  This is not an over-thought or definitive thesis on joy.  It's simply a birthday note to self.

Today, I celebrate...

1.   Fall colors
2.   The smell of rain
3.   Lindor Milk Chocolate Truffles
4.   Hope
5.   Campfires under the African stars
6.   The way Byron makes me laugh and laugh
7.   Love notes from my children
8.   A good cup of tea
9.   Heather and friends singing "Happy Birthday" to me on the phone
10. Waking up with the African sun
11. The fact that Jesse and Annie are getting married
12. The way I feel when I dance to The Contour's "Do you love me now that I can dance?"
13. The smell of coffee
14. Meeting someone for the first time and finding out they love my poetry
15. Trevor's music
16. Memories of Sweden
17. Memories of England
18. Memories of Santa Barbara
19. Memories of Kenya
20. Memories of Portugal
21. Loita...
22. Picnic dinners on the land
23. Friends from forever ago
24. Walking barefoot in the stream below camp
25. Watching the sunrise light Frankfurt's skyline
26. My sister (and my sisters in law)
27. Westmont College
28. Good bread with real butter
29. My prayer group
30. The way it feels when I hear a poem in my head and then see it come to life on the page
31. My parents
32. The incredible people of 24-7
33. Heather's laugh
34. Colin's smile
35. Faith
36. Warm days by the Indian Ocean
37. Dogs I know, past and present
38. The way Trevor and Karly are together
39. A really good paneer curry
40. My brothers
41. A few particularly favorite old songs
42. Friendships so rich I can't even begin to speak of them
43. Watching Heather gallop
44. Watching baby elephants
45. Holding Ellie Bea
46. The Chronicles of Narnia (in original order, not the imposed "correct" one)
47. Sleeping in the bush
48. Byron
49. Long walks
50. Wholewheat buttermilk pancakes, (especially when accompanied by gourmet maple syrup)


Monday, October 01, 2012

Curator

Curator--
a keeper, trustee, guardian, conservator.

If I am, then,
to care for these feelings
I suppose it's best
to give them voice
if only
to myself

I sing them
in muted tones
gray, soft, rising
with breath
barely drawn
then held

And this dear earth
receives them
Pulls me in
to her breast
and whispers
hush

Her word
is not
reproof
Rather, it says
I know
I know

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Love at the Speed of Email

Love at the Speed of Email by Lisa McKay

Love at... is a wonderful holiday read.  It's witty and thoughtful and it tells a great story.  But for this accidental international, it's much more. -lisa b.

What I remember is that we were both waiting to speak to Scott White.  I didn't know this pleasant looking woman standing alongside me who obviously wanted to speak to the same man I hoped to have a quick word with.  It was a Sunday morning in California and Scott is a dear friend who happens to be on staff at a big and bustling church.  We waited patiently.  It seems that there are many who want a quick word with Scott :-)

When he turned around and saw us both, he broke into a big Scott smile.  "Ah, my two favorite Lisas.  And two of my favorite writers!  You two should meet."

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Hello, Africa.

I woke up yesterday to no internet.  That's not entirely unusual in Tanzania.  It happens fairly frequently and it's usually rectified relatively quickly.  I didn't panic.

Throughout the course of the day, I noticed the phone service was up to some of its usual antics.  Messages would apparently send yet not be received without a long delay of up to several hours.  Phone calls would cut off.  Service would be unavailable.  I was able to get several calls through to my internet provider, though, only to hear that there was a major issue going on that had large parts of town off the net.  I still didn't panic.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

In the Morning

I woke before dawn
unplanned, eyes just opened

A tentative birdsong
in the cool, hovering

My first thought
was you

Whatever did you think
that morning?

Alone in the
rising grey light

I have to believe
you laughed

Full-hearted
bellowing laugh

(the kind with tears)

I pictured you laughing
as you danced

On your own
briefly inhabited
grave

-lisa, Easter Sunday, 2012

Monday, April 02, 2012

Relief

The land sighs
heat rolls on incessantly
and she
stirs uncomfortably
under the weight

We groan in solidarity
achy joints and clammy
we grieve
a gritty wind
on our skin

Some time before dawn
the clouds that have
attempted this advance daily
finally carry enough
ballast to arrive

Surging over
incalescent turbulence
engaging
a rising wall
of sullen heat

They are here

Cool descends
with each drop
drumming on my roof
clearly melodic
songs of earth

Life stirs
a fever broken
some hundred thousand flying ants
rise sparkle-winged
bobbing in the new washed light

-lisa, 2 April, 2012





Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Gathering the Good


Heather and I started back into home school today. It's late in January for a first day back and Heath has been worried that perhaps we're delinquent in our schedule-keeping.

The last few weeks have been (fabulously) filled with brothers (and a brother's girlfriend) for various lengths of time in over-lapping stays. For Byron, there's been plenty of work included in the schedule, but Heather didn't know how to recognize her work (that of gaining an education) in the midst of it all.

Mindful of this, we started our day by looking back over January. Marker in hand, I asked H to tell me about the things she's been up to. Turns out, it's been a pretty awesome few weeks of 8th grade. Pardon me as I elaborate...

This month, Heather's had 3 separate sessions of "outdoor ed." in 3 dramatically different environments. During these she camped, hiked, snorkeled, swam, caught, held and released ostrich chicks, spied on a couple of very shy hippos, observed fabulous birds, swung on vines, watched the always beautiful colobus monkeys and spent time in Maasai homes. She also read, baked, played piano, pursued new craft projects and prepared for and participated in a 2 day equestrian event. The event saw her complete her first ever cross country course, place in a novice dressage test and take first in her class for show jumping. More impressively, she faced down her nerves and rode competitively in front of other people. The School of January has stretched her on many levels.

If we hadn't taken the time to review this morning, would what she's gained have been lost? Would the warm, loosened muscles of her being have receded back to their pre-January selves? Probably not entirely. But I've come to believe that looking back gathers the good and helps us carry it forward. Forgetting to remember reduces the harvest. Before our pause to reflect, Heather was stressed that we might somehow be "behind." Piling the good up before us reminded her that life is filled with gifts and learning, and school has most definitely not been closed.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Learning to Fly (a poem from New Year's Eve)

Last year
we waded waist-deep
through a dark and shining sky

In the blackness
diamond stars spilled out
in every direction
the contents of some
cosmic jeweler's pockets
casually thrown

The year before us
seemed fragile
a terribly delicate thing

But that night
we walked through
wave after wave of goodness

And I thought oh
this must be how it feels to be steeped
in grace

Tonight
we plunged headlong
into the wind

Moonless and cloudy
the stars hung in clusters
on patches of empty sky
dark portals
from which the blackness shone
brilliant as the light

The year behind had
pushed me down
bending my slender shoulders

But tonight
warmth rushed wildly
over and around us

And I thought yes
this must be how it feels
to fly

-lisa, some time in the first wee hours of 2012